It's always "ten more minutes"

Current evening conversation in the Smith house:

Me: Noah, it's time for bed.  You've got your jammies on, your teeth are brushed, and we read three books.  Time to go night-night.

Noah: Ten more minutes. (Ten Mo' Mint-es)

Me: No, Noah, not ten more minutes.  No more minutes.  Time for bed.

Noah: One more book.  (One Mo' Boo-ak)

Me: No more books, time for bed.

Noah: One more minute! (One Mo' Mint-es)

Me: TIM!  Somehow this has to be all your fault!

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It looks to me like Noah has begun the dreaded stalling.  For a couple of months now I've been giving Noah minute warnings to let him know that a transition is coming up.  "Ten more minutes until nap time." "Five more minutes until we have to get in the car."  "Two more minutes until you have to give the toy to Tommy." etc.  However, this approach seems to be back-firing as now HE is using them on ME.  Our bedtime routine is now a half hour longer than it was a month ago.  It can take up to 20 minutes just to get shoes and coats on and get out the door.  I've begun padding our schedule just so we can make it places on time.  All because the little dictator has learned how to stall.  Pretty soon he'll be asking for water at bedtime, then he'll need an extra kiss and hug and a "new blankie".  I really thought we had a few more months until this affliction hit our house.  

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Me: Noah, it's nap time.  Let's go upstairs.

Noah:  No!  Noah singing!  Ten more minutes.

Me:  Sigh.

This Week's Wrap-up

Let's update shall we?

I officially accepted the job and start June 7th.  AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  And then I promptly tore apart my closet and thanked my lucky stars I did not donate all my work clothes like I had planned during my spring cleaning/we might sell the house/holy shit what the hell is going on meltdown.  So that's awesome (job and clothing for job).  The not awesome?  My work/suit pants are too big.  I KNOW.  I'm as shocked as you are.

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We've secured Noah's spot at the home daycare (dayhome?  what do we call this arrangement?) and I'm happy with our decision.  We went out on a limb with this one because this is S's (the caregiver/daycare operator/business owner) first time out of the daycare gate.  We don't have any references to go off of (other than the provided ones from past nanny-ing and fellow graduates of her masters program) but she seems to check out.  Hello, she has a blog about her BABY.  We are of the same cloth.  (OF COURSE I Googled her.)  My father said this: everyone has to start somewhere, everyone needs a chance to succeed.  Very true, grandpa, very true.  And so we signed the contract, gave a deposit, and have a start date of June 21st.

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Which brings me to this: I have two weeks of childcare that need to be filled.  So far I've conned  asked my sister to do a week (for pay, of course.  I'm not heartless.)  I'm now on the lookout for another week's worth of childcare.  Think I can find a lovely high school student who wants a little extra cash?

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We're getting rid of our satellite TV service and going wild with just Hulu and Netflix.  Are we totally frugal and forward-thinking or just plain stupid?  I'm not too worried...Hulu has Real Housewives so I think it'll work out.

How's your week treating you?

Downtown High Rise Office Building or Bust!

**Update:  We found a great in-home daycare that I am thrilled about!  This is all just going a little too well...Universe, consider yourself heard and damn, you're OBVIOUS.** 

Your collective finger crossing paid off--I got the job!  Believe me when I say this was pure luck.  And I am not a lucky person.  If anything, I usually have pretty bad luck.  But somewhere, somehow, the universe has decided to make this one thing happen for me.  I am grateful.  I am also sad.  Sad because this means that life is going to be changing soon and pretty drastically.  And changing in a way that is a "have to" vs. a "want to".  Thank you to those of you who have chatted with me this past week and pulled me up by my bootstraps.  I appreciated hearing how you are a mom AND an employee and you do both with aplomb.  Your kids are thriving and happy little ones and you're working (for want and for need).

After much soul searching I think my issues with working again have been less to do with leaving Noah in someone's care (we'll find a good fit, he'll be fine, I'm sure) and more that our planned future is changing a bit.  Starting work now means no second baby right now.  Which is ok.  It is.  I think.  And like a friend told me today:  MANY women have two kids and work.  It's very possible down the road.  So we'll shelve that plan for a while longer and in the meantime we'll make some more money, get ourselves into a better financial position, and really, REALLY appreciate that our family, as it is today, is pretty fantastic.  Noah is an amazing little guy and I am so very lucky to have had him all to myself for two whole years.

If you have any words of encouragement, I could really use them right about now.  I'll be over here learning how to "put on my big girl panties and deal".

P.S. I know some of you who read this may work downtown so be prepared to make some lunch plans with me.  I'm an excellent lunch partner.

A little something: Download & Print

Let's move that sad and depressing announcement down a little, eh?  But, as a swift update, I am meeting with my old firm on Friday to discuss coming back...that's good news!  Can you all collectively cross your fingers at 10:45 am on Friday for me?  (Btw, this is totally the lazy woman's way of going back to work...no resume submitting, no interviewing.  I know I'm lucky if this works out.)

Those of you who know me well, know I have a "thing" about invitations/stationary/paper goods.  I love them.  In a kind of inappropriate way.  I can spend hours trolling blogs, Etsy, and the little paper boutiques in my neighborhood for beautiful stationary and creative invites.  What I love even more is when I can find beautiful invitations for cheap.  When I came across Download & Print, I may have fallen out of my chair.  Take a look at some of the lovely designs:

The designer, Anna Skye, is pretty talented.  And the VERY BEST PART?  You can download these all for FREE.  Yes, free.  As in no charge, nada, zip, zilch.  If you have a good printer, you can print these at home for the cost of paper and ink.  Or you can save the .pdf and take it to a printer.  I'm in love.  I hope you are too.

(Re-reading this...I sound like a paid reviewer, which I am not.  Just a simple girl with a love affair for pretty designs.  And free stuff.)

Workin' on it

I'm having a hard time with this space here.  This blank white page with the blinking cursor.  There is so much going on "behind the scenes" and I'm not sure if I can share it.  I'm not sure I can without being labeled an "oversharer".

Here's the lowdown:

We might sell the house.  We might not.  We've lost all our equity in the house plus some.  If we sell it, we'll owe on it.  A lot. That sucks.

So...I'm looking for a job.

Subsequently, I am looking for childcare for Noah and it's breaking my heart into a million pieces.

I am really good at staying home with Noah, I may go so far as to say I love it more than most anything, and I don't want to give it up.

But I have to give it up.

I'm also a really super employee so if you know anyone who is looking, let me know.  I work hard for my money, honey.

However, there is not enough wine in the world to make me content with this decision.

Life gets hard, sometimes.  I think now would be a good time to get a break.

(P.S. We were in Arizona visiting my grandparents last weekend so I have fun pics of the kid in a cowboy hat coming, for those two people who are desperate for baby pics, HILARY and MOM.  Reeeee-lax, wouldya?)

Brain dump about preschools in the city. Hold me.

Warning:  There is a lot of capitalization, i.e. yelling, below.  Also, keep in mind we live in Chicago, not the suburbs, so the school selection process is dramatically different.

It's begun.  The dreaded preschool tour time.  I have been pretending this wasn't coming since before Noah was even born because I know, I KNOW, it's going to be a huge pain in the ass.  There are too many options.  In our direct neighborhood alone, we have private (read: ridiculously expensive), private parochial (read: Catholic or Lutheran and still very expensive), and public at our neighborhood school (read: free, but under-funded and who knows if the program will even be around in a year THANKS A LOT STUPID GOVERNMENT).  Then we have 5 day/full-day or 5 day/half-day or 3 day/full-day or 3 day/half day or for the same price 2 days-at-two-hours-a-day-sign-over-your-entire-monthly-income-kthanxbye.  I'm tired just typing all that out.

From what I've gathered eavesdropping on covert playground conversations, when you find a good preschool you don't tell ANYONE.  Because then EVERYONE will want to get in and NO ONE will...hello, two year long waiting lists and pre-birth applications.   We're gunning to attend preschool in Fall 2011 right after Noah turns three.  That means I have to have toured every possible school by the fall, preferably by the end of THIS school year (read: this month or May), so I can get in our applications and non-refundable (of course) application fees and then wait until February 2011 to find out that we didn't get in anywhere.   I toured our local neighborhood school this morning and the principal couldn't guarantee that their preschool program would even be alive this coming fall.  On the off chance the program does continue, she could guarantee four year olds a spot but not three year olds.  Super.  I can't even bank on our local PUBLIC school to have room for my son.  The school that my VERY HIGH TAXES help pay for.  Sigh.  Double sigh.

So, let's look at our parochial options.  We're not Catholic.  We're not Lutheran.  We're not anything.  All of that doesn't mean I CAN'T send my kid to a parochial school; rather, I'm not positive I WANT to.  I didn't grow up with any specific religion and I prefer to label myself a non-denominational Christian if forced.  Tim and I have agreed that our kids will have an open relationship with religion, any religion.  We want them to be open-minded and accepting of all faith and beliefs (much like how I was raised).  This also means they will not be baptized or confirmed in any specific religion until they so choose.  With that said, a parochial education would be a Christian education with an emphasis on Catholicism or Lutheranism or PresbyBaptiUnitarianism.  Basically Noah would have Jesus time and Bible stories and be immersed in the Christian faith.  Please do not take this to mean I believe a parochial education is a bad education.  In fact, I think a parochial education can be a fantastic option and I know a few teachers who work at parochial schools who are AMAZING teachers with wonderful programs.  It MAY be an option for us.  I'm just really undecided.  Cost also plays a factor.  Parochial educations do not come cheap and looking at our current financial standing, I'm not positive we can afford it.   If it is the way we go, then we will find a way to afford it.  But is it the right choice, for US?

Following the parochials, and looking more expensive, we have the private preschools.  These are the ones with cutesy names like Ch@lk and Spr0ut and L0vebugs.  I toured one earlier this week thinking we might want to get Noah into a two year old program.  Then I saw the tuition costs and died a little.  For two days a week, at two hours a day, I would be paying over $500 a month.  For Noah to finger paint.  Last time I checked I could throw him on the floor on a shower curtain and let him go crazy with paints for $5.  I'm not saying these programs aren't great, because they are, and they do what they do very well, but that's a lot of money for so few hours.  They make the parochial schools look positively FREE!

And then we have the fourth runner-up, Miss So Private We Want Your Past Three Years' Tax Returns Upon Submittal Of Your Application Along With A $1,000 Fee Preschool.  Off the bat, I will tell you that if we aren't sure we can afford a parochial school, there is no way we can afford Miss SPWWYPTYTRUSOYAAWA$FP.  But let's discuss this as if it were an option.  No?  Ok, FINE.  Just know that these preschools exist and if I wanted to/could ever in a million years pay five figures for PRESCHOOL then I would send Noah to one of these in a heartbeat.  I mean, do you know how much awesomeness that kind of money can buy?  State of the art EVERYTHING.  Enough said.

So, here we are.  I never thought I would get this worked up over preschool.  I don't know what our plan is and I think it's the not knowing that makes me jumpy.  So I forge on.  I have emails out to a few more schools for tours and am waiting on replies.  As I always say when faced with a tough parental decision, it's a good thing this little dude is so damn cute.   

My mama always told me there'd be days like this

Being a grown up kind of sucks sometimes.  Grown up decisions aren't fun decisions.  Grown up decisions are full of The Future and How The Future Will Be Decided Based On These Decisions.  It's times like these, when I'm faced with such Life Decisions, that I wish I could throw in the towel, pack up Tim, Noah and the dog, and just drive.  We would drive until we made it someplace where the sun shines for more than two days in a row.  Where there are mountains abutting the ocean.  Where there is peace and cacophony within blocks of each other.

I feel like we're floundering here.  Without getting into too much detail, we're at a crossroads.  One path leads to continued discomfort and unrest but has the potential to be wonderful once we get past this rough period...whenever that may be.  The other path feels like we're giving up our plans, our dreams, in exchange for calm and rest sooner rather than later.  I don't know which road is the better choice.  I hope to be able to talk about this in more detail soon and actually get some wise words of advice from you.   In the meantime, tell me your stories about making Grown Up Decisions for The Future and how you found peace with your decisions, even if they weren't what you thought you wanted.