Crazy-making

Noah and I were out on the first of many Christmas shopping trips today. I say many because a 4 month old baby does not tolerate leisurely strolls through 14 different stores so we will be attempting small trips in these next coming days. We made a short stop at Marshall's today (note to self: sifting through racks of crap does not make for a happy baby) and Noah began to melt down so I took him out of the car seat/snap n' go contraption and removed his coat and hat. He was probably a little hot and getting cranky. By the sound of his screams, I figured he didn't really care for the cheap material of the dress I wanted to try on either so we hustled ourselves out of the store.

I put him back in his car seat, wrapped the bundle me around him, and ushered us out of the store and into the parking lot. We made it to the car, I packed him and my bags into the backseat, and we headed towards the parking lot exit. It was then, when I looked in the rear view mirror and saw his limbs flailing about, that I realized I NEVER BUCKLED HIM INTO THE CAR SEAT. That's right, I committed my first major parenting error. Of course I immediately pulled over, parked the car, and got Noah all settled AND buckled into the car seat before continuing on our way. But those few minutes were enough for my crazy mama brain to begin running through all the possibilities of what could have happened.

You know it's not good when your mind goes straight to the baby dying in a car accident scenarios. But it was like I was possessed. All the way home I couldn't stop thinking about what if? What if a semi had hit us? What if I had hit a patch of ice and rolled the car? Is this the rest of my life? Always wondering what if? Always worrying about the harm that could befall my child(ren)? How did my mother ever let me leave the house, let alone allow me to go to CANCUN as a 17 year old? Nononononononononononono never gonna happen.

If it wasn't poor form I would have had a drink in the middle of the afternoon to calm myself. Thank god nothing happened and I realized my mistake before entering traffic. Next time my checklist will include Baby Buckled In? Check and double check.