Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Workin' on it

I'm having a hard time with this space here.  This blank white page with the blinking cursor.  There is so much going on "behind the scenes" and I'm not sure if I can share it.  I'm not sure I can without being labeled an "oversharer".

Here's the lowdown:

We might sell the house.  We might not.  We've lost all our equity in the house plus some.  If we sell it, we'll owe on it.  A lot. That sucks.

So...I'm looking for a job.

Subsequently, I am looking for childcare for Noah and it's breaking my heart into a million pieces.

I am really good at staying home with Noah, I may go so far as to say I love it more than most anything, and I don't want to give it up.

But I have to give it up.

I'm also a really super employee so if you know anyone who is looking, let me know.  I work hard for my money, honey.

However, there is not enough wine in the world to make me content with this decision.

Life gets hard, sometimes.  I think now would be a good time to get a break.

(P.S. We were in Arizona visiting my grandparents last weekend so I have fun pics of the kid in a cowboy hat coming, for those two people who are desperate for baby pics, HILARY and MOM.  Reeeee-lax, wouldya?)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Brain dump about preschools in the city. Hold me.

Warning:  There is a lot of capitalization, i.e. yelling, below.  Also, keep in mind we live in Chicago, not the suburbs, so the school selection process is dramatically different.

It's begun.  The dreaded preschool tour time.  I have been pretending this wasn't coming since before Noah was even born because I know, I KNOW, it's going to be a huge pain in the ass.  There are too many options.  In our direct neighborhood alone, we have private (read: ridiculously expensive), private parochial (read: Catholic or Lutheran and still very expensive), and public at our neighborhood school (read: free, but under-funded and who knows if the program will even be around in a year THANKS A LOT STUPID GOVERNMENT).  Then we have 5 day/full-day or 5 day/half-day or 3 day/full-day or 3 day/half day or for the same price 2 days-at-two-hours-a-day-sign-over-your-entire-monthly-income-kthanxbye.  I'm tired just typing all that out.

From what I've gathered eavesdropping on covert playground conversations, when you find a good preschool you don't tell ANYONE.  Because then EVERYONE will want to get in and NO ONE will...hello, two year long waiting lists and pre-birth applications.   We're gunning to attend preschool in Fall 2011 right after Noah turns three.  That means I have to have toured every possible school by the fall, preferably by the end of THIS school year (read: this month or May), so I can get in our applications and non-refundable (of course) application fees and then wait until February 2011 to find out that we didn't get in anywhere.   I toured our local neighborhood school this morning and the principal couldn't guarantee that their preschool program would even be alive this coming fall.  On the off chance the program does continue, she could guarantee four year olds a spot but not three year olds.  Super.  I can't even bank on our local PUBLIC school to have room for my son.  The school that my VERY HIGH TAXES help pay for.  Sigh.  Double sigh.

So, let's look at our parochial options.  We're not Catholic.  We're not Lutheran.  We're not anything.  All of that doesn't mean I CAN'T send my kid to a parochial school; rather, I'm not positive I WANT to.  I didn't grow up with any specific religion and I prefer to label myself a non-denominational Christian if forced.  Tim and I have agreed that our kids will have an open relationship with religion, any religion.  We want them to be open-minded and accepting of all faith and beliefs (much like how I was raised).  This also means they will not be baptized or confirmed in any specific religion until they so choose.  With that said, a parochial education would be a Christian education with an emphasis on Catholicism or Lutheranism or PresbyBaptiUnitarianism.  Basically Noah would have Jesus time and Bible stories and be immersed in the Christian faith.  Please do not take this to mean I believe a parochial education is a bad education.  In fact, I think a parochial education can be a fantastic option and I know a few teachers who work at parochial schools who are AMAZING teachers with wonderful programs.  It MAY be an option for us.  I'm just really undecided.  Cost also plays a factor.  Parochial educations do not come cheap and looking at our current financial standing, I'm not positive we can afford it.   If it is the way we go, then we will find a way to afford it.  But is it the right choice, for US?

Following the parochials, and looking more expensive, we have the private preschools.  These are the ones with cutesy names like Ch@lk and Spr0ut and L0vebugs.  I toured one earlier this week thinking we might want to get Noah into a two year old program.  Then I saw the tuition costs and died a little.  For two days a week, at two hours a day, I would be paying over $500 a month.  For Noah to finger paint.  Last time I checked I could throw him on the floor on a shower curtain and let him go crazy with paints for $5.  I'm not saying these programs aren't great, because they are, and they do what they do very well, but that's a lot of money for so few hours.  They make the parochial schools look positively FREE!

And then we have the fourth runner-up, Miss So Private We Want Your Past Three Years' Tax Returns Upon Submittal Of Your Application Along With A $1,000 Fee Preschool.  Off the bat, I will tell you that if we aren't sure we can afford a parochial school, there is no way we can afford Miss SPWWYPTYTRUSOYAAWA$FP.  But let's discuss this as if it were an option.  No?  Ok, FINE.  Just know that these preschools exist and if I wanted to/could ever in a million years pay five figures for PRESCHOOL then I would send Noah to one of these in a heartbeat.  I mean, do you know how much awesomeness that kind of money can buy?  State of the art EVERYTHING.  Enough said.

So, here we are.  I never thought I would get this worked up over preschool.  I don't know what our plan is and I think it's the not knowing that makes me jumpy.  So I forge on.  I have emails out to a few more schools for tours and am waiting on replies.  As I always say when faced with a tough parental decision, it's a good thing this little dude is so damn cute.   

Monday, April 12, 2010

My mama always told me there'd be days like this

Being a grown up kind of sucks sometimes.  Grown up decisions aren't fun decisions.  Grown up decisions are full of The Future and How The Future Will Be Decided Based On These Decisions.  It's times like these, when I'm faced with such Life Decisions, that I wish I could throw in the towel, pack up Tim, Noah and the dog, and just drive.  We would drive until we made it someplace where the sun shines for more than two days in a row.  Where there are mountains abutting the ocean.  Where there is peace and cacophony within blocks of each other.

I feel like we're floundering here.  Without getting into too much detail, we're at a crossroads.  One path leads to continued discomfort and unrest but has the potential to be wonderful once we get past this rough period...whenever that may be.  The other path feels like we're giving up our plans, our dreams, in exchange for calm and rest sooner rather than later.  I don't know which road is the better choice.  I hope to be able to talk about this in more detail soon and actually get some wise words of advice from you.   In the meantime, tell me your stories about making Grown Up Decisions for The Future and how you found peace with your decisions, even if they weren't what you thought you wanted.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Still trying to figure out what bunnies, eggs laid by chickens and Jesus all have in common

In the meantime, take a look at Noah looking all spiffy for Easter (while his Uncle Chris, in all of his 23 year old glory, decided pajamas were good enough):

We hid the eggs but neglected to put jelly beans in them so the four minutes and thirty seconds it took for Noah to find all the eggs ended with a classic "and that's it?  I did all that work for nothing?" look.  Note: do not send small child off in hunt of empty eggs and expect fanfare at the end.  Empty eggs=no fun.

But he was pretty damn cute putting all his eggs in the basket.