Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
So the nickname was outlawed. And Noah would only be called Noah. At least until he figured out that was his actual name. It's taken some practice and many days, but I think we have finally got it all straightened out. Except he also now responds to punk...weird.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
There is going to be a lot less of this:
And a lot more of this:
See you on the flip side.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
I want you to stay this small forever. I want you to keep growing and discovering. It's a battle everyday within myself. I know you're going to keep growing and learning and I am so lucky that I get to be right there with you. You amaze me everyday.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Let me just say that this post was brought on by my spending too much time on Facebook. There. That’s my disclaimer.
I spend a lot of my day letting my thoughts wander while playing on the floor with Noah. While he is learning how to grasp the toy with his whole hand and not just hook a finger around it, I am wondering “what if?” Do you ever play the “what if?” game? I have decided I much prefer Scrabble, or even Charades (shudder), to the “what if?” game. The “what if?” game brings up some long forgotten, or maybe only shallowly buried, memories of past relationships, past friendships, many vague moments in time. Among those are new thoughts, new “what ifs” for the unknown future.
What if I had never met Tim?
What if I hadn’t said goodbye to (insert ex here)?
What if I had moved to a
What if I hadn’t had a baby?
What if I had continued working?
What if we hadn’t bought this house?
What if I had tried harder to mend that friendship?
What if I had actually attempted that masters’ degree?
What if I had been more focused in college?
A long ago ex asked to be my Facebook friend. I hesitated before responding, not because I harbor any ill will towards him, but because the request would open up my world to him, a person I had shut out of my life over 8 years ago. It also brought back a flood of memories, and as I perused his photos (and he looks so happy and that really is wonderful) I began to remember that time of my life. And not just the time spent with him, but the rest of those years and everything that took place then. I have a hard time going back. I have a difficult time thinking about the past, even when that past was good, as most of it was. It causes me to question decisions I made to get where I am today. Hence the “what if?” game.
I feel as though I have draped most of my past with rose colored silk…I don’t remember all the bad things I have done, or nasty things I have said to people (though they remember, I am sure), or good things I didn’t do when the opportunities presented themselves. I don’t think I can handle remembering all the bad when I can barely work through remembering all the good. Maybe that is my coping mechanism.
This is not at all to say that I want the possible answers to my “what ifs?”. Those answers may not include Tim, my partner and best friend, or Noah, my heart that beats forever outside of my body, and any answer that does not include those two boys is an answer that I want no part of. The choices I have made in the past have brought me to my present. And this present really is everything I have ever wanted. Yes, there are some things I would change (almost all relating to this god forsaken economic “SITUATION”), but these are also things that I cannot control. What I can control is my participation in the “what if?” game. I think I am fine with sitting on the sidelines from now on.
Yes, of course I accepted the friend request on Facebook. It would have been rude of me not to and I want him to see my pictures and see how happy I am. How blessed I am. How lucky I am. And for him to say “She looks so happy and that’s wonderful.”
Ed. I feel as though I might have been slightly, um, hormonal, when I wrote this so you know...keep that in mind, don't take it too seriously, etc.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Intently trying to figure out the baby version of an iPod.
Oh and apparently I am not fast enough with the spoon so he decided to take matters into his own hands.