I went back to work today.
Ugh. I don't even know where to start. I got up at a ridiculously early hour to make sure I had enough time and yet I was still late to work. I cried in the car on my way to drop off Chloe at her sitter's house. I cried when I walked out, leaving her in very capable hands, but leaving her nonetheless. I cried while pumping. Twice. I cried tonight thinking about how I have to do it all again tomorrow and the next day and the day after.
The problem here is me and I know Future Me will read this someday and wish she could reach back in time and smack some sense into me. Here is why I know it's all my issue: Chloe's sitter is wonderful and is already loving my girl hard. Everyone at work gave me a wide berth and no one demanded anything of me today. Noah had a crap day at preschool but his teachers didn't press the issue. I'm the delicate flower wilting from the anxiety and stress. I worry about the kids (more so Chloe because she's wee and new and utterly defenseless) even though I know they're fine. I worry about the commute and how to make it as fast as possible so I can get the kids home at a decent time. I worry about how we're going to structure drop offs and pick ups with two kids at two different places and make sure neither is the last kid left waiting(don't ask...this is my own personal, totally unfounded, issue). I worry about pumping and keeping my supply up and how best to store the milk at work. I worry about how dinner is going to get made when I have a loud, demanding three year old and a loud, demanding three month old all wanting something at the same time.
I'm tired just writing that all out. I'm sorry, Future Me. I know it will all be just fine and these things will work themselves out in time and I need to quit the complaining. In the meantime, do you have any advice on how to streamline life with kids while working? One kid was a cake walk compared to this circus.