Me: Ooooh, I could really use a new pair of jeans that actually fit or maybe a new pair of flats for the summer.
House: No way, lady. All your money is going straight to service/repair men who will try to swindle you because you're that woman, at home with her screaming baby, looking like she can't put up a decent fight over the price of the repair. Suck it up. And forget about the jeans.
Me: Damn it.
House: I win. You lose.
I give this house so much love and affection and clean it every week like a good little homeowner. The least it can do is be nice to me and STOP FALLING APART. There is something to be said about being a renter...House, you're on notice. Knock this shit off or we're DONE.