Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Sick and tired (no, really, just sick and tired)

Oh hi, I’m sick.  I caught the dreaded cold/achy flu/feverish chills from a co-worker.  The lovely part: Tim came home from work early and handled Noah’s evening routine as well as a grocery run for milk and bread so I could pass out at 6pm.  The not so lovely part: I had to come into work today even though I felt like death warmed over.  I don’t have sick days yet.  I haven’t worked long enough to earn any time off (and yes, I know this accrual based system is a benefit to the employers and not the employees) and when I do have time accrued I know I need to save it for when Noah’s sick.  Which, according to a lot of your accounts, will be always now that he’s in daycare.

Speaking of daycare, we had a great week with it last week but this week he’s acting up.  Currently, Noah’s attending daycare with only one other kid-our caregiver’s 8 month old son, H. Noah pretty much has the joint to himself and demands S’s (caregiver) undivided attention to the detriment of H.  Noah yells at S when H needs her and takes her attention away from him.  He throws blocks (hard!  wooden!  blocks!) at H when he gets mad.  He kicked H in the face (H was totally fine and wasn’t hurt at all...just more surprised that his new buddy kicked him).  He’s yelled at H and taken toys away from him “Noah’s toy NOT H’s toy NOOOOOOOOO”.  Noah’s ALWAYS played nicely with other kids.  I’m not lying when I say that.  So this behavior is really unsettling for me.  I know it’s only week two so he may still be adjusting and acting out his frustration by terrorizing the little baby.  I know he’s really a kind little boy under this bad attitude and I need to find a way to express that we don’t hurt our friends EVER.

Also, now that I’ve turned this into a plea for help, how do I handle the daily reports of bad boy behavior from daycare?  I think she’s on top of telling me because it’s directly affecting her son  so of course I totally understand.  And she’s handling Noah’s behavior issues very well: implementing time outs for hitting/kicking/throwing/etc. and reminding him over and over how to play nicely.  I just have major guilt when I pick him up and get the run down of his day and it always starts out with “well, we had a little issue today...”.  I start to cringe on the walk up to her front door, worrying about what she’ll tell me and then how I have to attempt to talk to a two year old about it when we get home.  Aren’t little kids kind of like dogs though?  Me reprimanding Noah hours after the incident in question seems a little counter-intuitive.  Also, I think I feel bad that someone other than myself is having to deal with Naughty Boy Noah.  That’s her job though, right?  That’s what I pay her a handsome sum of money each week to do, yes?  

Sigh.  My motto: it’s only been two weeks.  It’s only been two weeks.  IT WILL GET BETTER.


bessie.viola said...

Okay, so. The dayhome thing. There is one little girl at Madeline's dayhome that is just - well. The two together are OIL AND WATER. My normally kind girl turns into a wildebeest when presented with this girl. They are only 9 months apart, so primo agression time. We've had shouting, hitting, tears, all of it.

Noah's still adjusting, so I wouldn't fret too much. What worked for us (and it's still not perfect, but loads better anyway) was LOTS and LOTS of conversations after-hours about being kind, being gentle, what to do when you're mad. I mean, verbatim. Sometimes when I tell her that we're going to go to Denise's the first thing out of her mouth is "We have to be NICE to Taylor. We have to be NICE and GENTLE. And TAYLOR DOES TOO."

So, yeah. Brainwashing, I guess. In Noah's case though, it will probably pass soon enough - it's almost like new-sibling rivalry, I always thought. And the older the other baby gets, the more fun he will be so that will help too.

(Sorry for writing a novel, I'm just SO feeling for you right now... I know that feeling of dread walking up to the door).

Hope you're feeling better soon!

bessie.viola said...

Oh and the toy thing... What helps for us there is to have one or two things that are Madeline's, full-stop. Usually it's her silky blanket and a doll or stuffed something. Anyway, her caregiver got on board with this, and those two things are HERS. None of the other kids can play with them unless Maddie says so.

Everything else is to be shared, no exceptions.

That seemed to give her some control, which is what a 2yr old wants anyway. It's helped a lot with the sharing issues.

samantha said...

I love what Bethany said. Totally.

When Theo was the only one at daycare over the summer he had D's attention. And he got posessive when the other kids came back. Didn't last long.

When will the other children start? I'm sure that will help divert his attention as they are a bit older right?

I always felt guilty about anyone caring for Theo when he was colicky but people were all "YOU'RE PAYING THEM! HE'S NOT A ROBOT! KIDS ACT UP SOMETIMES AND HAVE BAD DAYS!" Which is true so please remember that. I know it's hard but it's true.

Don't talk about The Incident after hours, talk about how to behave in general terms. Like Bethany said. And reinforce reinforce reinforce whenever you can. Sadly this is the age and since this is his first daycare experience it's like the perfect storm.

But it will get better. You're totally right.

AndreAnna said...

Will more kid start soon or it will it just be the two kids?

My kids always did better in a small "group" rather than one on one. I guess when there was only one other kid they felt like they HAD to vie for attention, but when there was a group of them - 4 or 5 - they knew they were a unit and they all played together pretty nicely.

But yes, no matter what, it WILL get better. I can promise you this.

Hillary said...

The Boy went through a biting phase. I was mortified. But it really doesn't help to scold. He just doesn't get it after it happens. As the other commenters said, talk about general behavior, be very matter-of-fact and cheery about going to S's house everyday and things will get better.

Feel better.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

We might need to chat ... I might be in the name of a daycare provider or two ... and wouldn't mind knowing how you went about finding yours. =)