I'm 27 years old and have plenty of time to have children but there is something pushing me to think about the second baby now. I don't know what it is. But whenever I think of Baby #2 I get those scary butterflies in my stomach and I wonder if that's a good sign (excitement!) or a bad sign (dread.). What I realized this weekend while talking to my sister is that I am afraid that bringing a second baby into our family would mean Noah would no longer be here. Which is clearly preposterous and ridiculous. He'll always be here. But he would no longer be "the baby". Just because we have another does not mean Noah goes away. He won't be replaced. I mean, duh. That's a weird thought pattern though, right?
And then I have so many conversations with family and friends that come around to when we're thinking about Baby #2. It must be natural for people to assume that once you have one baby that you'll be thinking about the next. I suppose that's reminiscent of dating and then always being asked when the engagement is happening, then the wedding, then the first baby, so on and so forth. I don't have an answer. If we found out we were expecting now, we would be happy. How could we not when that is ultimately what we want. But the idea of pregnancy, birth, those hazy, never-ending newborn days kind of makes me want to hide under the covers. I was JUST pregnant. I JUST gave birth. I JUST started sleeping through the night regularly. Ok, fine, it's been a while, but still. It SEEMS like it just all happened.
All this blather is to say Not Yet. Soon. But Not Yet.