Sunday, February 22, 2009

Is it 2.3 or 3.2 kids?

There is talk in this house of Baby #2.  I should say, the fictitious Baby #2, as said baby does not yet exist.  But there are whispers and abbreviated conversations revolving around Baby #2.  This idea scares me and thrills me at the same time because I know I am not ready for a second baby RIGHT NOW but soon.  In a year?  Two?  Who knows.  We have a lot of work to do financially before I can be ready for the second child.  

I'm 27 years old and have plenty of time to have children but there is something pushing me to think about the second baby now.  I don't know what it is.  But whenever I think of Baby #2 I get those scary butterflies in my stomach and I wonder if that's a good sign (excitement!) or a bad sign (dread.).  What I realized this weekend while talking to my sister is that I am afraid that bringing a second baby into our family would mean Noah would no longer be here.  Which is clearly preposterous and ridiculous.  He'll always be here.  But he would no longer be "the baby".  Just because we have another does not mean Noah goes away.  He won't be replaced.  I mean, duh.  That's a weird thought pattern though, right?

And then I have so many conversations with family and friends that come around to when we're thinking about Baby #2.  It must be natural for people to assume that once you have one baby that you'll be thinking about the next.  I suppose that's reminiscent of dating and then always being asked when the engagement is happening, then the wedding, then the first baby, so on and so forth.  I don't have an answer.  If we found out we were expecting now, we would be happy.  How could we not when that is ultimately what we want.  But the idea of pregnancy, birth, those hazy, never-ending newborn days kind of makes me want to hide under the covers.  I was JUST pregnant.  I JUST gave birth.  I JUST started sleeping through the night regularly.  Ok, fine, it's been a while, but still.  It SEEMS like it just all happened.  

All this blather is to say Not Yet.  Soon.  But Not Yet.

2 comments:

hilary said...

another baby! i accept that you can't just pop it out and i am willing to wait until you and tim are ready again, even though i would love to have another niece or nephew to spoil and love!

bessieviola said...

Oh, I know. This conversation. I get this ache in my ovaries whenever I see a tiny new baby - so sweet.

But then, like you, I remember those long, LONG early days, and the sleepless nights, and then I hug this baby - MY baby - and I am very, very happy with the current state of things.

We talked this weekend and decided that we'd prevent until her 2nd birthday, and then revisit the idea.