Friday, February 24, 2012

You may notice I'm a tidgy bit crabby

I know this is fleeting and I know it will end and I know I will forget this ever happened but I have to say it: WHY IS NO ONE IN MY HOUSE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT? Except my husband, he's rather good at it. You guys, I am so tired. The kind of deep in your bones tired that one night of good sleep won't even touch. Not only is Chloe up two or three times a night to eat but now Noah is waking up two or three times a night and they're ALTERNATING HOURS. He comes padding into our room, pokes me in the FACE and says "I wost my bwankie/I hafta go potty/I need some water/what happened to Owen (the damn stuffed bear who he NEVER cares about until the middle of every night and is usually found in the space between his bed and the wall)?"

It goes like this:

7:00 pm: Baby nursed and fast asleep.
7:30 pm: Noah bathed and in bed, books being read.
8:00 pm: Lights out for Noah
8:09 pm: "I hafta go potty!" screamed from the top of the stairs. Note: he went potty after the bath.
8:22 pm: "I need some water!" No, he most surely does not. 
9:00 pm: He's usually fallen asleep by now.
Sometime between 10 - 11 pm: Chloe's first wake-up. Nurses like she's never eaten before and then back down.
11:00 pm: I go to sleep. Finally.
12:00 am: Noah usually wakes up, comes into our room and proceeds to poke me until I wake up. Walk him back to his room, put him in bed, refuse to "just stay with me mommy and let's talk about my day."
2:00 am: Chloe's second wake-up. Nurses, chats a bit, thrashes around in her crib, passes back out.
3:00 am: Noah is up again. Same procedure as above.
4:00 am: Chloe may wake up again, may not. It's a really fun surprise every night.
5:00 am: Annnnnd there's Noah again. This one is usually the Wost Bwankie excuse. It's always tangled up in his covers.
5:30 am: Hello (f@*$ing) alarm.
6:00 am: She's up and screeching like a pterodactyl in her crib.
7:00 am: He's up and sobbing because he's soooooooo sweeeeppyyyyy, Mommmmmyyyyyyy. No shit, kid.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Keen minds will notice that we are missing a key player in all this: my husband. That man will sleep through a hurricane. The only way he'll get up is if I PUNCH him in the back and even then it'll take him at least five minutes to respond to whichever small person is causing the ruckus. By that time I could have gotten up and handled the issue so I usually do. Plus once I hear one of them squawking I'm already awake. I, sadly, do not have the Sleep Through The Madness And Then Wonder Why The Wife Is Crabby In The Morning gene.

This morning my boss took me aside and said "You know, if I'm ever out and you need to, I have a couch in my office that you can use for a little nap." I must really look like hell because I hadn't so much as mentioned how tired I was. Awesome.

13 comments:

Cupcake Mama said...

I'm sorry. Sleep deprivation is the WORST. Is it too early to stop feeding at night/sleep train a bit? I hate saying that but it may help?

Sara said...

CM, I've thought about that a lot but she actually seems hungry when she wakes up. Sometimes I can ignore her at the 4 am wake-up and she'll settle back in but the other two she's nursing a solid 15 minutes.

I let her go last night at 11pm and she got herself worked into a frenzy for a good 20 minutes. I finally went in and nursed her and got her back down. I am by no means opposed to letting her cry...that will be my next step very soon to try and cut out at least one of these wake ups.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

First, I feel your pain on the husband who sleeps through everything. Commence eye poking now.

Can you work out a system where you deal with darling Chloe and Tim deals with cute Noah? Make a rule that Noah must wake up Daddy in the middle of the night. Make Tim sleep closest to your door. And, even if you wake up, let Tim deal with him. Maybe, if Tim is harder to wake up, Noah will just go back to sleep (it's worth hoping, right?!).

Michelle said...

This right here is why we stopped at two kids. However brief this period is in the long run, almost kills me. I just cannot deal.
Gizmo was almost a year old before she started sleeping through the night. My state of mind by the time she did was beyond gone.

I like Nilsa's suggestion. I too have a husband who can sleep through anything. It is just mind boggling.

Michelle said...

I feel every bit of your pain.

Jessica said...

The sleeping husband is the WORST. Last night I got up with both kids ("luckily" only three times total). Usually, though, my only job is to nurse the baby. If the baby won't go back to sleep after eating or if Meg wakes up, that's all him. Even if I have to push him out of bed to wake him up.

Anonymous said...

Oh my love...I know the feeling of being tired beyond explanation. What if you even started bribing the little man (Noah), that for every night he doesn't get out of bed or call for you he gets a little gift? I know bribery is not always the best option, however, if it means getting more sleep for you? And you kick that husband's ass, tell him he needs to tend to Noah. It doesn't matter that you're up and it's just easier, the more you wake him up, the better for you. xo-A

bessie.viola said...

Oh man, the sleeping husband. I am most definitely a kicker/puncher for that... YOU ARE WAKING UP BUDDY. That is just awful, and I only have the one kid so I don't have much good advice but Madeline has always responded well to sticker charts, so maybe one of those for "staying in bed?" Might help to post it right in his room so he can make a "good choice" when he's thinking about getting up...

Other than that, just AAARGH. I hope that this all passes quickly for you.

k said...

Oh, Sara. I am GROANING for you on this. Lack of sleep is horrrrrible.

parkingspot said...

Yes! Why does it take some husbands FIVE minutes to tend to whichever child is crying? Mine sleeps through his alarm, raccoons on the roof, tsunamis, yep. If I literally kick him and tell him to get up at 3:00am he has to put on his slippers, use the toilet, etc. He does not read your blog so I don't care if I'm outing him. Seriously, am I a martyr if I just get up immediately and go to the kids' room? I wanna know.

Janel K. said...

Husbands SUCK ASS when it comes to helping us with sleep. I will NOT sugarcoat it.

I do understand your pain right now...Nate's asthma keeps me up HOURS AND HOURS and then Noah calling me now (wtf???)

Is it time for them to go to college yet??

Auntie G. said...

You have described our life TO A T. A T that stands for Theo (and bonus G for Gus). I have semi-successfully broken Gus of the nighttime feedings, though I am willing to feed him between 3-5AM if he's up. (I will do anything to get back to sleep ASAP during those hours, I have learned. ANYTHING.) But how dare the preschooler start with the middle of the night wakings and the lame, lame, lame excuses GAH GAH GAH KILL ME. It is agony. And Daddy is no help at all. IMO if I have to WAKE YOU to deal with the child, then I am already up, you B*STARD. Here's hoping we ALL start sleeping again soon. Hang in there.

Paige said...

HOW did I not read this til now?!?
Oh, lady - we are in the SAME BOAT. Not only is Griffin not sleeping through the night, he won't even SLEEP IN HIS CRIB. Oh, he will start out sleeping in it for the first two hours - three if I'm REALLY lucky - and then it's wah wah wah and he won't stop until he's in OUR BED. And I do NOT enjoy co-sleeping! This is NOT something I set out to do! It all seemed so innocent when he was tiny and I was so tired, like la la la I'll just feed the baby and get some shut-eye - cut to five months later and HE WON'T GET OUT OF MY BED. So basically, he could be up all night, or not, but I don't know because he's squished up next to me in my bed so I can barely sleep anyway.
Meanwhile, every other night Carter is up screaming bloody murder, thanks to night terrors (those are fun) and/or two year molars finally coming in. The small consolation here is that he screams for DADDY. This somewhat makes me sad, because I want to be the go-to person - I'm the MOMMY, after all, but when it's 3am and I can barely see straight, by all means, call for Daddy.
And yes, my husband sleeps like the dead. He can (and does, frequently) sleep through a small child screaming bloody murder two inches from his face. This is where I jab him in the back and mutter - "Carter - GO - NOW" and he ends up sleeping on the floor of Carter's room.
So yeah, NOBODY is sleeping at our house. To summarize - it totally blows.