Being Noah

I've been thinking a lot about Noah and his diagnosis. We see evidence of it every day, at every activity from eating to dressing himself to playing soccer in the backyard. MD (Myoclonus-dystonia disorder for the uninitiated) is part of our daily existence and many times I forget. I forget that he has a condition that will never get better. I forget to not yell when he trembles and spills his milk (often) or his spoon suddenly flies out of his hand onto the floor. I forget to not scold him when he's stumbling on the soccer field, attempting to cover his missteps by acting goofy. At almost five years old, he's a master at redirection.

"Mommy, what do you think runs through the pipes underground or through the walls? Is it only water and gas or is there electricity? Does it have a color? Or a taste?"

"Focus on your scissors, Noah. Open, close, open, close. Hold the paper with your free hand. Like this."

"Mommy, when an astronaut goes to outerspace, how long does his air supply tank last? Can he REALLY do backflips in the air?"

"Noah. Pay attention to your task."

"I'm done with cutting now."

His handwriting is atrocious, he can't cut a straight line for the life of him, he despises "art" at school, he will NEVER choose crafts over...anything else.

But he's perfect. He looks like me but is his father's child. He may have inherited Tim's rare genetic mutation but he also inherited his wicked sense of humor, his curiosity and inquisitiveness and his talent for making friends. Noah reminds me that you never know what you're going to get and, sometimes, what you get is exactly what you always wanted.

Back in the saddle

So, um, that was a bit of a blogging break wasn't it? I won't flatter myself that anyone was waiting with bated breath for me to pour forth a few typed characters in this space so let's just say hi again, get reacquainted, and hope I can manage a post here or there.

A few random tidbits:

1) We're on Step 2 of 3 in the Great Basement Renovation of 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013. Oh, look at that, it's been going on for a while. There was that whole Recession nonsense that put the project on the back burner but November 2012 kicked it off with a big waterproofing job (Step 1). Let me say this: there is nothing like spending the equivalent of a tiny country's GDP on something that you will NEVER SEE. I prefer my money to show itself in pretty couches or possibly a nice light fixture instead of drains and concrete and plastic. But it's done and if that damn basement ever floods again I have a warranty and someone to blame. Step 2 is a brand spankin' new polished concrete floor that should be done when I get home from work TODAY. And an empty bank account once again.

 Photo prior to final finish coat. It doesn't look like much now

but this is a HUGE improvement over the Before.

2) That leads me into Step 3 which is walls. Our basement needs some. Correction: we have walls but they are of the foundation variety and not the wood and drywall variety so we need to build some new ones. The best part, or perhaps the scary part depending on your point of view, is that Tim plans to build said walls himself. With his hands and some power tools and a saw. (I'm in the scary camp.) We've received a number of estimates from contractors and no. Just no. Many, many dollars worth of no. At least if we want this project done this year. So DIY it is, friends. To be clear, *I* am not DIYing shit. I'm the Pizza Ordering Gal and the Point At Stuff And Tell You That You Are Doing It Wrong Gal. Tim is super excited about that part.

I do believe Tim will be contacting his former brother-in-law (a carpenter by trade) to assist with said wall building but I'm not really sure. I just anticipate a stack of lumber showing up someday soon and losing my husband to the dark depths of the basement for a while. If it means a usable basement in 2013 then I fully support all construction efforts and will order pizzas accordingly.

3) The part-time work schedule is going swimmingly. I love love love walking Noah to school three days a week and hobnobbing with the other (mostly SAHM) moms and dads. I'm slowly getting involved in the parent-teacher organization and the parent fundraising arm and this is totally my bag. The Former Sorority President in me loves this shit. Plus my (lovely and fabulous) next door neighbor is on deck to be her school's PTA prez next year and I can't let her upstage me. I'M ON YOUR HEELS, WOMAN.

4) 18 months. This girl is 18 months old in THREE days and oh my god I forgot how evil 18 month olds can be. It's the bipolar-ness of being 1.5 years old. Tantrums. Screeching. Hitting. Scratching. Followed by immediate remorse and screams of "I LAH MAMA!" (Translation: I love Mama!) "I LAH OAH!" (I love Noah!) and tight bear hugs. It's exhausting. But damn if she isn't the funniest, most expressive and energetic little girl. We all worship at the Church of Chloe and love her evil adorable ways.

 

Chloe, quick, make your Surprise Face!

 

Now give me Sad Face! Excellent work!

5) My boy. He's four (and a half, he'll be quick to point out) and just perfect in so many ways. Kindergarten registration is coming up and my heart is broken for that day to come but full day school in the fall! That just means 3pm is going to be even sweeter when we're reunited and hugging and chatting about our days. Or he'll stomp in, demand a snack, and retire to his room for Peace and Quiet. He's undecided. I'll leave with his latest gem, as told to his nanny today: "I'm going to poop because I'm a man and men poop. It's one of our jobs." His father is teaching him well.

Wrong throne, kid.

See you kids soon. If you're lucky.

(Family photo from our shoot in...September.)

First day

He did it! My little guy is officially a pre-kindergartner and loved every second of his day. I didn't cry. Much. I think we're all really going to like it.

Easter 2012

Or, everyone looking like goobers.

For the record, I dyed those eggs ALONE on Saturday night because SOMEONE was so "sweepy" and couldn't stay awake long enough to help. That probably worked out in my favor since it was much less messy and I could drink lots of wine while dying them. I also experimented with white and brown eggs to get different colors and shades and YOU TOTALLY WISH YOU HAD MY LIFE. Scintillating stuff, I tell you.

Working 9 to 5

Or 8 to 4, in my case. Lately I’ve been thinking about my job and the work I do and why I’ve chosen this path versus another more exciting or perhaps lucrative career. Part of this was inspired by Pseudostoops’ pondering about her recent job change and what it has meant for her and her family and the other part because our recent childcare woes caused us to really dig deep down and evaluate the importance of me working.

When you’re young and inexperienced you look for a job that pays the bills, allows you to have fun on the side and perhaps one that has the potential to grow into a more stable career over time. I started with my company in 2004 when I was just 22 years old. It was a young trust company that needed an administrative assistant and I was less than a year out of college without any real idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew I was organized, detail-oriented and fit the job description if a little over-qualified with a business degree from a respected university. However I was living in the big city and needed a job to pay rent and put money in the bank. Those martinis weren’t paying for themselves and most of the 22 year old guys we were hanging out with rarely understood the importance of buying a woman a drink (I hope they’ve since seen the light).

From 2004-2006, I saw my company through a quick growth period and myself move from an administrative assistant to a trust associate responsible (with a mentor) for the administration of client accounts. But it was still just a job. By this time I had met Tim and was planning our wedding during most of my work days while zooming through my usual work load. Priorities, you know. I invited my entire office at the time, all 8 of them, to our wedding and one still talks about the delicious lamb chops we served as an appetizer. He’s one of my favorites.

From 2006-2008, my company saw me through newlywed-ville, buying our first house and then pregnancy. They ooooohed and aaahhhhed over my growing belly, threw me a wonderful baby shower, and understood when I said I wanted to stay home and raise my baby. They were sad to see me go and told me to come back and visit with the baby any time. They meant it and I did. I spent two years at home with Noah and those are some of the best years of my life. But then we all know what happened in 2008…the economy tanked and my poor husband spent the next three years struggling to make his technology business successful while I worried and fretted and blogged (go ahead, go back and see how much better I was at posting often. As you do when you have one cute baby and nothing else to do with your time.)

By June of 2010 I knew it was time for me to go back to work; partly because I missed working but mostly out of necessity for a steady paycheck and cheaper health insurance. Going back was a one of the most difficult and adult decisions I (we) have ever made. I knew what I was giving up: time with my son, time watching him grow and learn and turn into a little boy. It broke my heart but we found him a wonderful preschool center that, to this day, has cared for him better than anyone else. He’s thrived there and I am eternally grateful to them for making our lives as dual working parents easier.

When I approached my former boss for a recommendation or referral during my job search he offered me my job back on the spot. I was flabbergasted and very flattered. I accepted, asked for more money (as you do) and started within the month. I’ve been back ever since. Over the past two years I’ve earned myself a decent raise, a promotion and the support of management to keep growing in my role with the hope that I can one day be sitting in their cushy seats. The trust business is a dry, ancient business built on the law and tax code. It’s not (usually) exciting or all that thrilling. We don’t reinvent the law, we don’t hop on the latest technology bandwagon, we don’t have break rooms with ping pong tables or on-site laundry or Google-caliber guest speakers. But what I have recently come to find is that we do have good values. You see, I work for a company that values family above all else. When I needed it the most, my company pulled through for me and has supported me tremendously.

We recently had to pull Chloe from her daycare due to concerns about her safety and well-being (and that is saying it VERY nicely). It’s been a really terrible experience and one I do not wish to ever relive. All that matters is that she’s fine, we’re fine, and we’ll be fine at the end of this disaster. Through this entire experience my company has supported me. They have allowed me (PAID!) time off to be with my daughter, with my family. They didn’t expect me to be available by email or phone. They left me alone. I needed that time and I appreciate it immensely. We now have a better care plan in place for our kids. We can move forward without worrying about how we’re going to pay the bills or where my standing is having missed weeks of work.

When I sit back and think about changing jobs or what my company lacks in the 2012 marketplace (hello gourmet lunches and chair massages) I remind myself about what we do have. We have people that pull strings to make sure their employees are taken care of. We have people who send kind notes of encouragement when others have hit rough spots. We have people who understand that family comes first no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. I don’t need all those perks that some companies throw at their employees to keep them happy. I don’t need a company that is innovating and revolutionizing. I don’t need ridiculous bonuses earned for working equally ridiculous hours. I just need the understanding that I am first a mother and second an employee. They get that so they get me…hopefully for the long run. I know I’m lucky to have landed here and I appreciate that they appreciate me. 

What about you? Are you happy with your job? (and hey SAHMS! this includes YOU...taking care of your kids is one of the hardest jobs out there) What do you do (if you can share)?

A little of this, a little of that

I know it's so annoying when bloggers say "I have something going on but it's unbloggable" but...I have something going on that is completely unbloggable and it SUCKS and is AWFUL and I am a ball of anxiety. No, no one is dying, no jobs have been lost, nothing irreversible but a major life issue nonetheless. I most likely won't be able to talk about it in this space due to the nature of the "issue" but please send any positive, happy thoughts my way if you have some to spare.

(My Indian Hawk Guide didn't tell me this crap was on its way. I'm putting in for a new Guide, perhaps one of the Eagle variety.)

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Gah. Anyhow. Moving on. Baby updates! Chloe is thisclose to sitting up on her own. Perhaps I should save that mile marker for her 6 month post but it's just too exciting to not share. We've been spending some more time together as a result of That Issue Mentioned Up There so we've been practicing her new tricks. I just want to eat her up and smooch her cheeks every chance I get.

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What's up with the awesome weather, Chicago? I fear there will be snow in May. I refuse to pack away the snow boots even though it is currently SEVENTY-SEVEN degrees outside and I am sweating in my house. Is The End coming? Should I be prepared?

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Tim and I just finished planning our monthly budget for this year and holy spendslot. On one hand it was a good exercise because it opened my eyes to just how much we fritter away on random shopping trips and eating out. I'm not renewing our Costco membership because each trip cost me $200. COME ON. I'm avoiding Target like the plague and ordering any disposable goods online. For example, I went to Target to buy diapers today (with coupons no less!) and left with diapers, two summer outfits for Chloe, two outfits for Noah, random crap from the Dollar Spot, a new wrinkle cream for me and pots for summer plantings. The only thing I needed on that list was diapers. Sigh. It looks like April and May will be our No Spend Months. Now I know why I complain about not having money...Target and Starbucks ate it all. 

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Me: Noah, what's your letter of the week?

Noah: W!

Me: What's a word that starts with W?

Noah: Wine!

Me: Whine? Like what you do before bath?

Noah: No! Wine! Like what you drink in your fancy glass!

Me: Errrrrr...

Noah: Can I have some?

Me: NO. 

Annnddddd, goodnight!

You may notice I'm a tidgy bit crabby

I know this is fleeting and I know it will end and I know I will forget this ever happened but I have to say it: WHY IS NO ONE IN MY HOUSE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT? Except my husband, he's rather good at it. You guys, I am so tired. The kind of deep in your bones tired that one night of good sleep won't even touch. Not only is Chloe up two or three times a night to eat but now Noah is waking up two or three times a night and they're ALTERNATING HOURS. He comes padding into our room, pokes me in the FACE and says "I wost my bwankie/I hafta go potty/I need some water/what happened to Owen (the damn stuffed bear who he NEVER cares about until the middle of every night and is usually found in the space between his bed and the wall)?"

It goes like this:

7:00 pm: Baby nursed and fast asleep.
7:30 pm: Noah bathed and in bed, books being read.
8:00 pm: Lights out for Noah
8:09 pm: "I hafta go potty!" screamed from the top of the stairs. Note: he went potty after the bath.
8:22 pm: "I need some water!" No, he most surely does not. 
9:00 pm: He's usually fallen asleep by now.
Sometime between 10 - 11 pm: Chloe's first wake-up. Nurses like she's never eaten before and then back down.
11:00 pm: I go to sleep. Finally.
12:00 am: Noah usually wakes up, comes into our room and proceeds to poke me until I wake up. Walk him back to his room, put him in bed, refuse to "just stay with me mommy and let's talk about my day."
2:00 am: Chloe's second wake-up. Nurses, chats a bit, thrashes around in her crib, passes back out.
3:00 am: Noah is up again. Same procedure as above.
4:00 am: Chloe may wake up again, may not. It's a really fun surprise every night.
5:00 am: Annnnnd there's Noah again. This one is usually the Wost Bwankie excuse. It's always tangled up in his covers.
5:30 am: Hello (f@*$ing) alarm.
6:00 am: She's up and screeching like a pterodactyl in her crib.
7:00 am: He's up and sobbing because he's soooooooo sweeeeppyyyyy, Mommmmmyyyyyyy. No shit, kid.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Keen minds will notice that we are missing a key player in all this: my husband. That man will sleep through a hurricane. The only way he'll get up is if I PUNCH him in the back and even then it'll take him at least five minutes to respond to whichever small person is causing the ruckus. By that time I could have gotten up and handled the issue so I usually do. Plus once I hear one of them squawking I'm already awake. I, sadly, do not have the Sleep Through The Madness And Then Wonder Why The Wife Is Crabby In The Morning gene.

This morning my boss took me aside and said "You know, if I'm ever out and you need to, I have a couch in my office that you can use for a little nap." I must really look like hell because I hadn't so much as mentioned how tired I was. Awesome.

Glimpses

I hope you like looking at pictures of my kids because here come twenty of them. A little glimpse of what we've been up to this winter.

SOCCER!

SMILING!

COOKIE DECORATING!

SANTA AT THE ZOO!

MORE SMILING!

SPELLING! (and a little beginning reading...shh, I'm not going to jinx it by talking about it)

PICKING OUR NOSES!

SNOW!

SNOWMAN! Er, SNOWMOUND!

 LOVE.

Phew. That should make up for the last four months of posting near zero photos.

Things that have gotten me riled up this week (and it's only Wednesday!)

WARNING: You're entering a Complaint Zone. Enter at your own risk.

Oh lordy, did I get worked up today. Basically a benign conversation with a co-worker wherein I was relating something ridiculous Noah said to his teacher yesterday ended in me defending our discipline philosophy. I was told I was a "pushover", one of these "touchy-feely" parents whose children will "never grow up to respect authority." The issue, obviously, is spanking...to do it or not to do it. See, we don't spank. The reason being is that it just doesn't work for ME. Let me repeat, FOR ME. We have chosen to not spank our kids but I could care less how you choose to discipline yours. Much like breast vs. formula, staying home vs. working out of the house, daycare vs. a nanny, to each their own. Whatever works for you. Yada, yada, YADA. I DO NOT JUDGE NOR CARE.

And all this from someone who doesn't HAVE kids and each time she hears me talking about mine likes to relate a story about when her DOG did something "similar". No, no. Your DOG is nothing like my KID. My kid may act like an animal at times but at least he doesn't lick his own butt.

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I hesitate to even write this (and that probably means I shouldn't) but Chloe's sitter said something that really got me going. On Monday morning, as I was taking Chloe out of her car seat, the sitter said she had a dream about Chloe the night before. A dream that she was BREASTFEEDING my baby. And she went on and on about how great it was and nurturing and loving and OH MY GOD. I just keep reminding myself that a) our sitter is of Eastern European origin and from my experience that culture tends to be very open, honest and frank when speaking with others and b) this might have been her way of showing me how much she adores and cares for my daughter. I left feeling really sad. It was a bold reminder that she gets to love my girl all day while I sit here, in my ergonomically-correct office chair, typing on my computer, looking at spreadsheets and contracts, and staring longingly at the picture of my kids.

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While I was on maternity leave HR let my share of the health insurance premiums accrue so now I have a HUGE balance to pay back. And they'll only spread it out over two paychecks which means these next two paychecks will be a pittance. I do not like.

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We cannot seem to get on a good morning schedule. Unless I start waking up at 5:00 am (which, no) I feel like our mornings will always be rushed. We have four people, going four different places and all at different times. Both kids can be at their respective caregivers as early as 7:30 am but I think the problem is that I had gotten used to Tim dropping Noah off at 8:30 am (Before Baby) so 7:30 am seems really early when, in reality, it's not. So we have to figure out who takes who and when. I have a more set time I need to be at work whereas Tim is more flexible (I guess that's why he has the V and the P in front of his name and I...do not). This lack of a schedule and PLAN tips me from HappyVille to CrazyTown in two point two seconds.

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The office vending machine is out of Snickers and I have to settle for M&Ms and not even the good peanut butter or pretzel kind. The nerve.

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Anything gotten you all riled up this week? Do share!

Our Holiday Traditions for the Young and Old

Like many families with young kids, we're in the process of developing our own holiday traditions, apart from and including the ones we both grew up with. Christmas, for me, has always been a really special and magical time of year and I LOVE the day after Thanksgiving when houses begin to sparkle with lights and trees appear in the front window. I also love the day after New Years' when I'm so tired of Christmas and ready to chuck the tree out the back door. But the 30 or so days in between are my very favorite.

I hope to pass on this love for the holiday season to Noah and Chloe and convince my husband that his "grinch-y" attitude WILL rub off on them eventually. I think he's starting to come around. I've incorporated some of the traditions I grew up with into our family and have begun some new ones this year that I hope stick around.

1. Our version of Elf on the Shelf. On December 1st, Santa's elf makes his inaugural appearance and so begins the daily morning search for our favorite little elf. Our elf watches out for good and bad behavior so he can report back to Santa each evening...last year, I found that behavior improved immensely during the month of December. The elf is a win-win! (I did suck at moving him around each night after Noah was in bed so I'll have to get better at it. Noah's much smarter this year.)

2. The tree and decorations come out the first weekend in December (so that would be...this weekend! Hooray!). I grew up with a real tree and my parents still buy one for us to enjoy on Christmas Day (RIGHT, MOM? Don't let me down!) but Tim's family did the fake tree and we're now the proud owners of a plastic pre-lit tree. Don't get me wrong, the fake tree is EASY and looks beautiful but I do miss picking out the perfect tree, bringing it home, letting it "rest" on the porch before placing it in its spot of honor in front of the window. Now that I typed all that out I think we'll be getting a real tree next year. I want those memories for our kids because the tree is the pinnacle of Christmas for me. However, this year, what with the new baby and going back to work on the 19th (ARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH, BLLLLLEEEERRRRGGGHHHHH) I don't think I have the capacity to deal with a real tree. Fake it is.

3. Buy this year's ornaments for the tree. I've been buying an ornament for Noah each year that reflects his current interests. I think this year's will be a soccer ball since he's started soccer class recently. I also bought Chloe a blown glass owl ornament and the requisite Baby's First Christmas ornament. I plan to pass these all on to them when they have their first Christmas in their first home.

4. Buy one new holiday/Christmas children's book to add to our growing collection. We'll read one each night before bed...how much do you want to bet the highlight this year will be Merry Christmas, Curious George?

5. Put up the Advent calendar. I would usually begin an Advent calendar on the 1st but I did not get my act in gear this year to pick one out or make one. I'm putting this on my to-do list for right after Christmas so it'll be ready to go for next year. I'm thinking small envelopes or pouches hung on the tree with a piece of candy, holiday activity or tiny gift inside. Or perhaps I will convince my mother to hand over her calendar from when we were little...for the kids, of course.

5. Cinnamon, cloves and an orange peel simmering on the stove. This reminds me of my house during the holidays when we were small. Love it.

6. Have Noah check the mail each day for new holiday cards. I'll have them hanging from lengths of ribbon in the living room so he can look at them every day and see our friends and family.

7. On the 23rd we'll do our Annual Spot The Awesome Christmas Lights Drive around the neighborhood.

8. Christmas Eve will be spent with Tim's family and then a short road trip to my grandmother's. Since Christmas Eve is a busy day, our evening will be pretty mellow. We'll have the Noah set out cookies/milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. We'll have them open one small gift from us (because the rest of the gifts are from SANTA and SANTA doesn't come until after bedtime...and a glass or two of wine) and then head to bed in their new Christmas jammies.

9. Christmas morning we'll wake them up and head downstairs for stockings and presents and merriment of all kinds. I think I'm going to make homemade cinnamon rolls our traditional Christmas morning breakfast. Growing up we always had a baked apple pancake and since we'll see my parents later that day my guess is my dad will have made one that morning. I won't steal his recipe until they no longer want to host Christmas Day then it's all mine (you hear that Sister and Brother...hands off!).

10. Christmas Day includes a visit with my family and mimosas and a big dinner and more presents. We'll end the day with full bellies and warm hearts and pie. I hope there is pie.

I was worried we didn't have any "traditions" started but seeing this all in writing comforts me. We HAVE started our traditions and they've created a pretty good base to build on. What's your favorite holiday tradition with your family?

 2008

2008

2009

2009

2010

2010

2010

Thankful, oh yes I am

These two light up my life and make me thankful in so many ways.

All images by Katie Basil

Happy, sad, loud or quiet, my babies are my everything. Enjoy your holiday my friends. Be thankful for what you have today.