Changeling

I'm feeling a little sentimental this evening.  Listening to music that reminds me of our honeymoon...music I played for Noah when he was just a wee little fetus kicking me from inside and then again when he was a wee little baby who wouldn't sleep.  When he would curl up on my chest while I walked the hallway between our rooms, bouncing in step to the music, keeping time with my toes.  Swaying with my sweet boy and wishing, waiting, hoping for sleep to come.  And then it would come and my arms would miss him the moment I put him down.   I'm missing my baby these days.  

He may still be a baby, but he wants to be a big boy so badly.  There is no time for cuddling anymore...he refuses to let me rock him to sleep and protests with his lungs and his arms and his feet when I try.  And I try every night, hoping that he will once again curl up on my chest.   And every night I give up and put him to sleep in his crib, to cry out his frustrations and fall asleep alone.  As he likes it.   And every night I spend a little time outside his door, listening to him sigh in his sleep, rustle and kick off his blanket.   He's growing up so fast.  I say that everyday.  I wish I could stop time so I could have him as he is right now, forever.   My sweet, sweet boy.  My boy, always with his fingers in his mouth.