Be happy you are not me, or my husband

Here is a lesson for you:

Do NOT, under any circumstance, even try to put on your wedding rings a week after giving birth and expect them to fit. Rather, you will get them on, barely, and then you will realize they are like a tourniquet and start turning your finger blue. At which point you will panic and try to remove them using dishwash soap, petroleum jelly, spray oil, and windex and figure out that not only are they stuck, but your finger is swelling to massive proportions. And then you will have to leave your hungry baby with your husband while you rush yourself to the ER to have your gorgeous, beautiful platinum rings CUT OFF by a tiny little Filipino man who giggles the entire time. And upon returning home, with your rings in 5 parts, you will have to endure your husband's stony silence and disappointment in your lack of judgment.

*sigh* Such is my life as new mother.