Did you know that when you have a baby your brain falls out of your ears onto the floor and scurries away to that far corner under the couch that you can't reach and begins to live with the dust bunnies and rogue clumps of pet hair? And while it takes up residence under that couch, the cavity that formerly hosted your big, smart, intelligent brain now fills itself with floating thoughts like "when did the baby last poop?" or "what should we have for dinner? egg salad sandwiches or tuna salad sandwiches?" or "how many days in a row can I wear yoga pants? can I wear the SAME yoga pants?"
I was smart once upon a time. I used to pride myself on being well-read, up to date on current events (YES, I know who won the presidency...but hell if I know who our senators are now), and always curious about that which I did not know but wanted to learn about. When Tim and I first met, he could start talking about his technology business or a new project he was working on and I could ask intelligent questions and we could have a two-sided conversation. Now? He'll start talking about a project, my eyes glaze over and I think about what to dress the baby in for the next day or perhaps I think about how we're doing on our nap schedule. I mean, really? I can't focus on an adult conversation for more than two seconds? What happened? It's like I went to sleep and woke up in an entirely different life.
I want my brain back. I want to string sentences together and have them make sense. I want to know exactly what word I'm looking for rather than snapping my fingers and saying "you know...that THING with the STUFF" all the time. Keeping this blog helps. It makes me focus and THINK. Now I'll just go dig out that brain, dust it off, and give it another chance.
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